Remarriage after divorce, about couples who break up and then get back together. Remarriage after divorce, about couples who break up and then get back together You are my little rat...

In the fall of 1941, during the defense of Moscow, the Russians and the French again fought on the Borodino Field. During the offensive, the German command decided to use the 638th Infantry Regiment, which consisted of French volunteers, against the Russians. Before the battle began, the French were reminded of the great past of their country and that their ancestors had already fought with Russian barbarians.

Mozhaisk line of defense

To protect Moscow from the advancing Germans, the Mozhaisk defense line was created, and the area near the site of the Battle of Borodino in 1812 was occupied by the 32nd Infantry Division. The unit was a personnel unit, took part in the battles at Khalkin-Gol, and was commanded by Colonel Viktor Polosukhin.

The division, reinforced by a tank destroyer division, howitzer and artillery regiments, occupied a front 45 kilometers long. The latter circumstance complicated the defensive task. The battle began on October 12 with reconnaissance in force, during which the Germans lost 6 tanks and several infantrymen killed.

Siberian character versus German

On October 13, 1941, the 10-tank and motorized SS division "Reich" launched an attack on Borodino station. From October 14 to 16, fighting took place in the very center of the Borodino field, as well as in nearby villages. The German SS man Paul Karel left memories of these days. He wrote that on the Borodino field the Germans first encountered Siberians, tall, broad-shouldered soldiers dressed in overcoats, fur hats and felt boots. They fought steadfastly and never panicked.

The Siberians surrendered every piece of land only after a desperate confrontation. Due to the fierce resistance of the Russians, the soldiers of both sides literally went berserk, and their battle resembled hell on earth. Karel especially noted the Soviet 76-mm cannons, which proved to be an effective weapon against infantry and tanks.

The French enter the battle

In the second echelon of the attack, the 7th Bavarian Infantry Division advanced, which was reinforced by the 638th Infantry Regiment. Arriving near Smolensk in early November, the French lost 400 people sick and frostbite even before the fighting. Before the attack, Field Marshal Kluge addressed the French, who reminded them that it was in this place that their ancestors, led by Napoleon, fought with the Russians and now it was their turn to fight.

Although the French volunteers underwent several months of training before entering the battle, they did not live up to the expectations of the command. Severe frost and blizzard demoralized the French, accustomed to the warmth, and a desperate attack by the Siberians completed the defeat. In just a few hours of battle, the regiment lost 65 people killed and 120 wounded.

The German headquarters concluded that the fighting qualities of the French legionnaires were low. If the rank and file were still good for something, the senior French officers showed complete incompetence on the battlefield. They were not suitable for military operations against the USSR army, so the 638th French regiment was sent to the rear. After being equipped with new personnel and additional training, the units were used against partisans and for punitive operations in the villages of Belarus and Ukraine.

On October 18, 1941, the Germans finally broke through the defenses of the 32nd Division and took control of Mozhaisk. The Siberians retreated, but fulfilled the mission assigned to them: they held off the enemy for a week, which gave the Soviet command the opportunity to bring up reserves and strengthen the main line of defense.

And Brooklyn Beckham Brooklyn Beckham and Chloe Grace Moretz Chloe Grace Moretz and Brooklyn Beckham Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama Wilmer Valderrama and Demi Lovato Wilmer Valderrama and Demi Lovato Orlando Bloom Katy Perry Katy Perry Behati Prinsloo and Adam Levine Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo with her daughter Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Rose Leslie and Kit Harington Rose Leslie and Kit Harington Kit Harington and Rose Leslie Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth met on the set of The Last Song in 2009. The friendly relationship between the rebel and the cute guy quickly developed into a romantic one, and three years later the couple announced their engagement. It didn't come to the wedding then. The lovers broke up in 2013, explaining that they were still too young and moving in different directions. Fans of the couple did not lose hope for their reunion, and in 2016, Miley and Liam got back together. Probably, having understood the meaning of the saying “Happiness loves silence,” Cyrus and Hemsworth began to go out together less often and share details of the affair on social networks. At the beginning of this year, information appeared in the media that the lovers had secretly gotten married, but they did not give any comments. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber The love story of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber began eight years ago. During all the time that the couple was together, they sometimes separated and then came together again. As a result, after four years of such an unstable relationship, they decided to finally break up. After that, Justin sought solace in the company of beautiful models, and Selena began an affair with The Weeknd. Their relationship could well develop into something serious, because the musician planned to propose to his beloved. However, unexpectedly for everyone, Gomez broke up with The Weeknd, and the next day after that, the paparazzi caught her and Justin during an afternoon walk. Since then, the lovers have been together again, despite the fact that the singer’s relatives are clearly against their union, especially Selena’s mother. It was precisely because she was dissatisfied with her daughter’s relationship that the couple decided, according to rumors, to separate for a while. But this is not the final break. Chloe Grace Moretz and Brooklyn Beckham Perhaps one of the cutest couples in Hollywood, Chloe Moretz and Brooklyn Beckham went through a difficult journey to understand that they were destined to be together. When they started dating, Brooklyn was only 15 years old and Chloe was 17. They lived in two countries - America and Great Britain, and this negatively affected their relationship. In addition, they were constantly followed by paparazzi, which only aggravated the situation. All this led to separation. But not for long. A year later, Beckham Jr. went to study in New York, where Moretz lives. The lovers decided to start over and are now enjoying each other, not embarrassed to show their feelings to fans. - Chloe wrote on her Instagram. Singer Demi Lovato and actor Wilmer Valderrama have also tested their relationship more than once. They started dating in 2011, and four years later rumors appeared in the media that the lovers were planning to tie the knot. Unfortunately, it didn’t come to the wedding. The couple broke up, which they personally announced to their fans by publishing a long post on Instagram. - they wrote. However, last month the paparazzi caught the ex-lovers having lunch in Los Angeles. Since then, fans of the couple are sure: Demi and Wilmer gave their relationship another chance. Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom met at the Golden Globes after party in 2016, and started dating a couple of weeks later. Their relationship developed more than rapidly. They traveled a lot, went to social events and spent family holidays together, and Bloom even introduced Perry to his son Flynn. However, a year later, the lovers broke up, which they decided to announce publicly. - they said. Friendships and communication led to Katy and Orlando getting back together in January of this year. The paparazzi caught them during a romantic holiday in the Maldives, and then caught them on a walk in Prague. The lovers themselves have not yet commented on their romance. Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine met his true love, supermodel Behati Prinsloo, in 2012. However, it took the musician some time to finally understand that she was really the one. In 2013, the couple separated, and Levin began an affair with another model, Nina Agdal. But this relationship did not lead to anything, because Adam realized that his heart completely belonged only to Prinsloo. The musician returned to his beloved, they got married, and a year after that their daughter was born. Those who really worked seriously on their relationship were Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green. They started dating in 2004, and in 2007 the actor proposed to his beloved. Megan agreed, but after a while she changed her mind because she considered herself too young for marriage, because she was 21 years old. Fox and Green broke up, but soon got back together. In 2010, Brian decided to try his luck again and proposed to Megan for the second time, and she said yes. After five years of marriage and two children, the actress suddenly filed for divorce, which came as a complete surprise to everyone. But a break in relations was avoided. As it turned out later, Fox became pregnant, so the couple decided to save the marriage at all costs, and, fortunately, they succeeded. - Brian stated earlier. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel met at a party in honor of the Golden Globe Awards in 2007. As the lovers themselves admitted, there was nothing “starry” in their meeting; they just met and talked like ordinary people. Justin and Jessica tried to hide their relationship, but it didn't work out well, so they decided to officially declare themselves a couple and began going out together. However, four years later, their ideal relationship was literally hanging by a thread. There were rumors that Timberlake was having an affair with actress Olivia Munn, but this was not confirmed. Ultimately the couple separated. Luckily it's only for a couple of months. Jessica and Justin met again at one of the charity evenings, and a year later they secretly got married. Now the couple has a two-year-old son, Silas Randall. Kit Harington and Rose Leslie Kit Harington and Rose Leslie met while working on the series Game of Thrones. They played a couple in love. Romantic relationships on screen grew far beyond the set. Keith and Rose started dating in 2012, but broke up a year later. But their story didn't end there. The couple rekindled their relationship in 2014 and broke up again a couple of months later. In 2016, paparazzi caught the ex-lovers having dinner in one of the restaurants in London, and then it became known that they were together again. Last September, Keith and Rose announced their engagement. Subscribe to WMJ.ru pages on VKontakte, Odnoklassniki, Facebook, Instagram and Telegram! Text: Valeria Yakovleva Photo: Global Look Press, East News

From love to hate there is only one step; it is easier to destroy than to create. These two truths perfectly characterize couples who break up under the influence of emotions and then get back together. Someone very quickly realizes that they have lost the love of their life, and for some, the insight comes twenty or even fifty years later.

But how much time has passed since the separation and what served as the reason for the divorce is completely unimportant. And, as practice shows, neither a new family nor children from other marriages interfere with reunification. You can renew any relationship, however, for the second attempt to be crowned with a happy ending, both will have to make every effort.

Typical stories after divorce

Spouses who decide to get back together after a divorce can be roughly divided into five categories.

First There are spouses who were unable to survive the separation. Psychologists in this case talk about unfinished emotional relationships. After a divorce, such partners continue to think about each other, actively communicate, even if negative feelings are off the charts and both have already entered into a new union. The thought of reunification often comes to their minds, because hope for a happy future remains deep in their souls.

Second group builds relationships based on an infantile position. In their first marriage, such spouses usually cultivate two principles: “take, but not give” or “everyone owes me.”

Third category characterized by a struggle for power. Having entered into marriage, each partner strives to prove that he is in charge. This position can also be called infantile, only on top of it is superimposed the model of dysfunctional marital relationships that they inherit from their parental families. When both partners grow up, that is, they learn to “give”, take responsibility for their behavior, not fight, but cooperate, many have a desire to try to live in a new way with their former chosen one.

Fourth category decides to return everything due to fear of loneliness after divorce. Women more often reason like this: “Life passes, the princes have been dealt with, it’s better with him than alone.” Men have a different argument: “Each next one is worse than the previous one.”

Divorces at 30

The very desire to separate, forever or only temporarily, usually arises during significant periods of life, which, in particular, include age-related crises. The most dramatic of them falls on 30 years. At this point, divorces occur especially often.

After living together for some time, the spouses accumulate dissatisfaction with each other and at some point they realize: this cannot continue. But they are not very sad about this: they still have their whole life ahead, their reproductive abilities are at their best, and there is every chance of starting a new family.

However, when trying to start a new relationship, many thirty-year-olds discover that everyone has shortcomings and they cannot come to terms with some quirks. Then the thought may arise that the former spouse was not so bad.

In addition, at the age of 30, a reassessment of values ​​takes place against the backdrop of final separation from parents. Early marriages are sometimes carried out to please or contrary to mom and dad. And at the age of 30, a person is already able to make an independent decision and accurately determine whether he wants to be with his current partner or is ready to part with him.

Divorces at 40 and 50 years old

The second peak of divorce occurs at the age of 40 or 50. Relations between spouses during this period often deteriorate, because the age crisis is usually superimposed by a normative crisis of the family, which is otherwise called empty nest syndrome.

Children grow up and, depending on their age, scatter in all directions: some go to study in another city, others begin to live separately or actively communicate with friends, and still others start their own families. Parents are left alone with each other.

If until this moment the partners did not get along, did not maintain a marital relationship, and performed only parental functions, they will have nothing to talk about. And here it’s just a stone’s throw from betrayal. But if, having stumbled, both partners understand that they are both to blame for adultery, many couples get back together.

Is it possible to restore a relationship after a divorce?

Alas, not everyone manages to correct previous mistakes, and in some cases the second attempt is obviously doomed to failure. However, you can estimate the chances of success in advance.

To begin with, both spouses must honestly answer the question: why does each want to return. If they are driven by fear of loneliness, nostalgia for the good old days, annoyance that they haven’t found anyone better yet, or hope that their partner has become different, the prognosis will be unfavorable.

As a rule, nothing good comes of it if spouses decide to get back together after a divorce in order to “make the child happy.” Children always feel the insincere emotions and suffering that are hidden behind them, and in the future, when creating their own family, they reproduce the same unhealthy scenarios.

But if the ex-spouses understand that, due to their stupidity or inexperience, they lost a truly dear person with whom they wanted to live their whole lives, such a reason for a second attempt would be ideal. At the same time, both partners should dream of reunion, because you won’t be nice by force.

The likelihood of a happy ending increases noticeably if, at a new stage, the relationship reaches a qualitatively different level. For example, if the spouses previously lived in a civil marriage or with their parents, and now decide to formalize their union or rent an apartment. Or if they broke up because one did not want children, but now both are ready to become parents.

And, finally, another sure sign that everything will probably work out is when, during parting, the pronoun “we” remains in thoughts or words: “We can handle it,” “We will succeed,” “Why don’t we try again?”

How to start from scratch

Starting from scratch is just a matter of words. It is truly impossible to enter the same river.

If both partners do not learn to negotiate, do not give up manipulation and do not analyze the points that led to the breakup the first time, old problems are guaranteed to resurface sooner or later for an encore. To prevent this from happening, it is better to take the reunion as seriously as possible.

To begin with, spouses must take part of the responsibility for the unsuccessful first attempt, want to change themselves, not their partner, and learn new ways of interaction.

Both partners need to think together and talk about what was wrong last time. You need to go through all the points that you didn’t like, irritated you, or became a reason for quarrels. The goal is not to find someone to blame, but to understand that now they want to live completely differently. Then a compromise has to be found on each point.

If it’s difficult to come to an agreement, you should try an exercise called “Deal”. On a piece of paper, the spouses write a list of their expectations from the other half. Then they discuss all the points in turn to find out what they are ready to do and what they are not. The deal will concern those moments that are significant and fundamental for each of them. As a result, the wife will do what is unpleasant for her, but is important for her husband, and as compensation, he will begin to do what he does not like, but is necessary for her.

It is necessary to discuss in great detail how the partners will live after the reunion. What apartment will they live in, what time will they get up on Saturday, will they have breakfast together, how will they spend their free time and share household responsibilities, who will take the child to kindergarten and sports school, etc.

The key condition for peace and harmony in a new life is not to remember old grievances. An evening of farewell to negative experiences will help you part with the past. Let each partner take turns expressing everything that hurt, hurt, or upset him. While one is speaking out, the other must listen patiently, without interrupting or making excuses. When the monologues are pronounced, both spouses must give each other their word that in the future no one will remember old grievances.

If the reason for the separation was infidelity, it is important to restore trust between the spouses. The partner who has stumbled should help the injured party and become more accessible and open for several months. For example, he may give up business trips, start inviting his other half to all parties, and agree to answer video calls.

Sex and the City, a series that has already become a classic of stories about modern relationships, clearly showed us how it happens. Kerry returned to the Man of her dreams time after time, Miranda fell in love with the father of her own child, Samantha fell for Richard's bait more than once... And this does not at all seem like fiction. In life, we often try again to build relationships with those with whom we once parted.

• “I broke up with him because I wanted a serious relationship, but he wasn’t ready“says K., who is familiar with this life pattern firsthand. — Then he panicked and tried to get me back. I decided that now we are on the same wavelength. But he felt that he had made a mistake. I realized this and left. This happened over and over again and lasted for many years.”

And this case is not unique. Researchers say that 44% of young people aged 17-24 have reconnected with someone they previously dated but broke up with. Half of them had close relationships with their ex-partners after breaking up.

On average, people who are either together or apart manage to break up and get back together twice a year.

Popular

Dr. Sarah Halpern-Meakin, a professor at the University of Wisconsin, believes that this is a unique phenomenon of our time: never before has this form of relationship been so common. Representatives of the generation of our parents or grandparents, as a rule, if they separated, they separated forever.

Why has everything changed?

1. Firstly, the professor suggests, because our contemporaries wait longer before getting married. And they have more time to rush: they broke up and got back together.
2. Secondly, we have fewer stereotypes. We are not dominated by the idea that there should be specifics in a relationship: either you are together or not.
3. Besides, In modern culture, the attitude towards casual sex is much more tolerant, and there is nothing strange or unusual about ending up in bed with an ex-lover again. This “friendship sex” often leads to the second (third, fourth) round in a relationship.
4. And also social networks. If you haven't friended him on Facebook, VKontakte and Odnoklassniki, you will always receive reminders of his existence. You don’t need to gather your courage and write him an ink message that obliges you to do a lot. All you need to do is send a short “Hello!” How are you?”, which seems to mean nothing, but in the end it can become the beginning of a new round.

“The result is a generation that doesn’t know how to break up,” concludes Dr. Halpern-Meakin.

He broke up, drank, made up. Romance…

And this cliche is readily supported by modern mass culture, shrouding endless meetings and partings with a haze of romance. The aforementioned “Sex and the City”, “Grey’s Anatomy” (where doctors Meredith and Derek and other couples endlessly converged and diverged), Ross and Rachel from “Friends”...

If there is no “swing” in a relationship, there is no plot. Without this, it's simply not interesting. The happy couple is boring to watch. As a result, many people become bored with being a happy couple without ups and downs. This whole range of emotions experienced during breakups and reconciliations is much more acute than normal, stable love.

Together it’s cramped, apart it’s boring

The couples themselves who experience such rotation say that there is a deep emotional connection between them, which again and again pushes them into each other’s arms in spite of all adversity:

• “We broke up because he wasn’t ready to make any commitments, but we got back together because no one understands us the way we understand each other.”

You are my little rat...

Romantic attachment to a former partner also has a completely physiological explanation. Such an experiment was conducted in Canada. Professor Jim Pfaus marked male rats with a special odorous substance and crossed them with females. Then he placed the females in a cage in which there were those rat gentlemen with whom they had already had love, and new, unfamiliar rat guys. In different cages, from 80 to 100% of rats chose those males who smelled familiar.

Pfaus explains it this way: “When you reach a wonderful, magical state with someone, like after an orgasm, your brain releases oxytocin and opioids,” forming an attachment to the person with whom you experienced it. Feeling that same pleasure again with someone you already know seems much more natural (and less scary) than with someone you don't know.

As G., who broke up with her more sophisticated lover but continued to sleep with him, admitted, it was more convenient than looking for someone new, and better than being alone.

• “It is psychologically more comfortable for me to communicate with the person with whom I have already slept. And I don't want to increase the number of lovers I've had- she says. — I'm not a saint, but if I have a choice, I'd rather try to stay with someone I've already been with than sleep with a stranger."

Casual relationships have generally become unfashionable. According to statistics, only 13% of men and 10% of women admitted that they had sex with someone they had just met. But those who slept with former lovers are as much as 65%.

You are my heroin

Finally ending such relationships, according to their participants, is as difficult as starting with drugs. You get stuck in them. You break up with your forever "ex", create a brand new profile on a dating site, set up a date that doesn't go exactly as you wanted... and then wake up in a familiar bed.

The feeling that you can't escape it can cause frustration and depression. In addition to the strong emotional attachment mentioned above, such couples experience more conflicts and lower levels of mutual commitment, and at the same time there is a high likelihood of physical and psychological violence.

We understand that you cannot do the same things over and over again and get different results. "I favor sequels in relationships, but I'm against them if they become trilogies and so on," says clinical psychologist Monica O'Neill of Harvard Medical School. Because it’s great if people drew conclusions from previous mistakes and decided to try again, trying not to repeat old sins. But if you experience pain and disappointment again, this is a sign that this person is not right for you.